Why have a Funeral Service or Celebration of Life?

Dying and death are not easy subjects to talk about and I have found most people avoid it at all costs. If you have had someone close to you pass away, you know that this can be an extremely challenging time in your life. Life as you know it has changed forever. I want to pose a question as the title suggests; why have a funeral service or celebration of life for my loved one? There are many reasons, but I want to focus on dealing with grief and the healing process.

I would like to share a story I heard a not long ago. John and Debbie have lived in the community all their lives. They had been part of the community activities, local church and even had a small business in town. When the conversation of death came up, John always said, “I do not want anything big after I die, just throw me over the fence. When I go… no fuss, no frills.” When the day came and John passed away, Debbie did just as he asked; she had no service and no obituary for John.

Not long after, Debbie was shopping at the grocery store when a close friend named Nancy saw Debbie down the aisle. Nancy wanted to console Debbie and tell her how sorry she was for John's passing. However, as she started to approach Debbie, thoughts started to flood into Nancy’s head: “I wonder why she didn’t have a funeral service for John. She didn’t even put it in the paper! She probably doesn’t want to talk about it.” Nancy quickly turned around hoping Debbie did not see her.

The reality was, after Debbie lost her husband, what she needed most was a kind word from her friends in the community. Nancy made her assumptions based on Debbie not having a funeral service for John and this prolonged Debbie’s healing process. I have found that people like John who do not want a funeral or celebration of life believe that it is not important and is a burden. The truth is, Debbie valued John’s life and it was important to her to have a service. Although she honored John’s wishes, it did not help her healing process.

A funeral service or celebration of life is not for the person that has passed away, but for the family and friends left behind. It provides a way to acknowledge that a loved one has passed away and an opportunity for everyone to say their final goodbyes. It is important not only because their life deserves to be honored but to provide healing gifts to their family and friends.

A great way to eliminate a lot of this confusion and stress is by talking to your loved one while they are still alive and sitting down with an advanced funeral planner. Pre-planning is a solution to a stressful situation during a family’s hardest moments and is also one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. Having an open discussion with your family is hard but extremely important to avoid the situation and prolonged grief Debbie faced when her husband died.

Shared with me by Travis Toone.